The Dance of Identity and Personal Power
As this new human life becomes older he/she starts to become aware of another state of being. This state of being is profoundly different from the complete static state of oneness experienced up to this point. There begins to be the unfolding of a self that has a core reference point which we are taught to name “I”. This “I” becomes our new sense of self and is compared to everything that is begun to be perceived as not I. Everything not I is everything that appears to be outside the focal reference point we now focus more and more of our attention towards. The energy is becoming differentiated through this new found focus.
It is helpful to understand this process of developing this reference point as more of a discovery rather than a development. A good illustration of this idea is to think of the puzzles often found in magazine and newspapers from time to time. In the puzzle sections of these periodicals you are confronted with a picture that you are asked to view closely. You see an old woman in a picture, yet you are told that there is another woman in the same picture if you look carefully enough. You stare into the picture to no avail - the old woman is there and nothing else. However, often just at the point of giving up on the exercise, voila, you see another image of a beautiful young woman. There she is hidden within the picture where only the old woman was present. Almost immediately, though, you realize that a problem exists, because now the old woman who was just there is missing. Now where is she? After some more concentration you again see the old woman, but now the young woman is gone. You soon realize that you are incapable of seeing both pictures simultaneously, yet you know for certain that both images are there within the one picture.
The is the situation of the newborn; first only being aware of the old woman of isness, and then becoming aware through glimpses of the young woman of the I reference point. Back and forth you go becoming aware of one state of being then the other but never both at the same time.
Eventually the growing child becomes more and more fixated on the young woman of self-awareness, and begins losses the capacity to even look for the old woman of oneness (is-ness) even though that simple awareness is always there with the very state of being now seen as a differentiated self.
As a result of this fixation on self-awareness the child begins to test him/herself against the backdrop of what he sees as other. He starts to play with expressing this new found self-identity.
Here he is living a life in all its humdrum. He starts to struggle between opposites at every turn. Life is becoming an experiment to express himself as a separate being. He is expressing himself against everything that is seen as not me. The separation he begin feeling more and more is actually tremendous. At every turn he is on his own in a sea of what appears to be other people, other things, other energies, other others. In truth, this otherness is a nifty tool that allows him to experience the myriad world of human existence - expressing his own particular attributes amongst so much otherness. The beautiful lady in our picture has full swing, and the old woman is becoming forgotten. Now our reference point can expand more fully to include different beliefs, thoughts, ideas, culminating into a complete sense of self alone within a universe of otherness. Life has become this wondrous world to play in via exploration, struggle, and striving to be more and more oneself. The old lady in the picture is completely forgotten now - only the young woman exists.
All this identification is fine and good resulting into exploration and adventure with a sense of power often intoxicating to the developing reference point. As I faces challenges and overcomes them, and as I explores deeper into the unknown and comes to what is perceived as discovery a sense of exhilaration arises. Yet, along with all this exhilaration and breathtaking adventure another feeling seems to co-exist.
This other feeling is not a pleasant one at all. It coincides with the feeling of power, yet it has a distinctive opposite flavor to it. It is simply a feeling of separation, and aloneness. It is a sense if being cut off from something intrinsically necessary it once had. The underlining sense of this separation is a sense of dread and fear.
The struggle found in duality which is found in the development of the reference point called I is indeed exhilarating, but it is also very painful at the same time. The I we perceive ourselves to be is amidst so much not I that it is overwhelming to experience. Facing a crowd of people, the I feels overwhelmed or conversely immensely powerful. Looking up at a night sky again the feeling of insignificance arising or in the best of times a sense of awe and inspiration.
Many of us when faced with this utter insignificance cringe and quack in fear trying to hide from the aloneness we always sense within the enclosure of our I reference point. Here we begin to enter the state of self-consciousness where we compare ourselves to what we see as other than us. This self-consciousness is felt when we compare ourselves to other beings and especially when we compare ourselves to other human beings. As we delve deeper into this dichotomy we find ourselves split. First, we find ourselves split between our sense of me and other. In this state everything is seen as a duality. Good and evil, right and wrong, up and down, like and dislike, are all part of the way of being the young woman image in our original picture experiences the world. In actuality the first split which underlies this, and which most of us have forgotten is the split between the way of being the old woman represents and the young woman represents. Because we have forgotten this original split we are forever lost in the world of duality, with no apparent escape.
In truth there is no split at all that exists -not even between the old lady and young woman - they are actually all made from the same lines creating one picture. To understanding this point on an intrinsic gut level is break out of the prison of illusion. To understand this point is to see the root of all supposed problems. To understand this point is to be free. The original single image through the lens of human focus creates the illusion of all the opposing forces we see in this world.
We are, however most involved in the split between our sense of power derived from our experience of individuality and our sense of fear derived from that same sense of individuality - power vs isolation and aloneness. In the outside world you see that very split in those people you see focus in obtaining power and control and those people lost in the feelings of loneliness and isolation. For those of us seeking power the underlining feeling of aloneness is avoided at all costs through violence, manipulation, control and dominance. For those lost in isolation this feeling is avoided by aligning themselves with some group (religious, political, social, …) to again avoid this feeling or sometimes these people just live a timid closed life not fully lived.
In the scenario above power and control become the good side while loneliness and withdrawal become the bad side, but in truth just as in the I-Ching image of a circle half white with a black dot in it and half black with a white dot in it these perspectives are just one continuum.
This very way of being becomes all that we can see hence it seems that everything we get involved with becomes a war between two perceived opposites. With this in mind is it any wonder that we have so many wars in our world. We have the war on drugs, and the war on poverty, the war on ideologies, the war on crime, the various wars all over the world on religion and belief and so on and so forth. We have wars on just about everything, because that is how we perceive our world as irreconcilable opposing forces. We have forgotten the old woman in our picture and there is no way out.
There are times in everyone’s life that help us eliminate the spilt we forever feel, but they are few and far between. These times are so fleeting, as well, as to go completely unnoticed by the most of us. The mystics counsel us to be more aware at all times, but especially those times that we feel awe and wonder. Looking at a sunset perceive the fact that for a moment that is all that existed. In that looking there is no duality and the old woman is back. When engaged in any intense activity be it an intellectual breakthrough, an overwhelming emotional experience, a life-threatening activity perceive that only the moment exists within these events and the old woman is again seen. Most of us however do not have enough awareness to see this. We attach the awe to the event itself and neglect to look at wonder full on by itself. Too brief are these moments and we miss the underling way of being that is hidden within. Yet only by seeing “isness” (our old lady), and moving back to duality (our young woman) can we hope to glimpse the situation we have created for ourselves. Oneness as opposed to( I vs. other) helps us see beyond both to the oneness that exists in both state and beyond both states.
When this ultimate state of being is re-discovered you begin to understand that it all depends on what you are focusing on that determines the wellness that arises from within. Your focus decides whether you will be unhappy and depressed or happy and fulfilled. Don Juan said in Carlos Casteneda great series ‘The Teaching Of Don Juan,’ “ Carlos change your intent: when in a happy situation enjoy it as you , and when in a sad situation see the oneness that all situations share.” This is saying the same thing as understanding the metaphor of the picture we are seeing into.
There are more lasting ways to come to this deep mystical understanding. These ways are more arduous yet become more rewarding when you can practice them. In the beginning these ways are indeed practice yet after a while they no longer are need to practice but become an intrinsic part of the very fabric of your life.
